Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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