I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
People in love make me want to vomit
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize