Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize