i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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