Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
