I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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