i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Randomize
