I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
