can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
