The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
