she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize