Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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