When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
