that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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