That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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