My brain says no but my pants say off.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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