i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
