Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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