she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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