I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
