I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
