you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
