my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
