soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
