your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
