i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
