You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Randomize
