Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
