Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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