We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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