i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
