Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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