I feel like I'm in dance class right now
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
