She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
