i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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