I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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