: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
