You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
