You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
