I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
