You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
