so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just tell him i said nine months
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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