Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
