I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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