Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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