Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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