so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You did what with his pubic hair?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
