I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
