Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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