YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize