mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
