After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
