Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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