I wanna passion pit in your ass
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
porn star boner night. come get it.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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