I wish my penis had an off switch
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
