Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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