I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize