Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
