I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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