I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
