I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
