I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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