I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
This house was built for laser tag.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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