i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
