i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm bleeding and have questions
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize