i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize