My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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