Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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