You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
