But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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