Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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