there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
