I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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