All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
