i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
