I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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